Just Thoughts

Yesterday--Samantha flew in town for business, but she agreed to go to dinner with Don and me. It was good just to see her and chat with her. I have been so homesick--it seems silly to be so homesick, but I think it did me good just having her here.

Then I talked to my friend Kelly. She got me thinking the last few days about life, and how we live our lives. I know that I should make changes in the way I live my life, but it seems too hard. I'm going to try to change one to two things about myself that I don't like, and see if anyone can tell. (So--I'm not sharing what I think I should change until someone says something or I go long enough with no one saying something.) I'm also going to try to tell people in my life how grateful for the things they do for me or how the effect my life.

Sometimes don't you feel like you are all alone in a large group. Like God-himself-has forgotten about you. Or if you pray that you don't seem to get an answer. Or you had made a mistake and asked forgiveness for and you think you are still being punished for it. I do--I feel like my not being able to have children is a little of all of the above. Sometimes I go to the stores and see mothers who don't seem to "want" their children...or hear stories of a mother who rather have someone else keep her child, but won't give the child up. All I do is pray that some day I will be able to have a child of my own--and when it doesn't happen I feel alone, like God doesn't have time to answer my prayers, or that I must of not been forgiven for something I did. Shopping for gifts at Christmas seems to hurt the worse. How wonderful it would be to be shopping for my child. Planning surprises, and building up Santa for a little one. How I feel I have let down my husband for not being able to give him a child--and not wanting to put myself out there for adoption. (Adoption scares me so much--putting yourself out there for others to judge you. I mean how can you fill out adoption papers not seeming to put you whole life out there to have a birth mom say you aren't good enough. Or have a judge say you are not ready to adopt a baby--when women have babies all the time who really shouldn't have them. How can I really want to do that to myself--to Don.)

I'm very grateful that my friend Kelly has allowed me to be in her daughter's life as much as I have. Maggie is such a great joy to have in our lives. To fill the empty space that I have for a child...and now that we don't live around her--it's hard to express how much we have gained for being around Kelly's family. Kelly has been such a great friend to me--and to Don. It's wonderful to know that you have a true friend in someone that knows all your faults and still is there no matter what. Who listens, talks, and cries with you. Someone that at 3 in the morning if you really needed her she would wake up and just talk. Kelly-I'm grateful for all you do for me--not just in things, but in just the acts of friendship you do daily for me. I am truly blessed! Thank you.

I'm also grateful for a family that is truly supportive in all I do. I wish I could spend the holidays with you all, but I sadden not to be there. Know you all are in my prayers and thoughts daily! Don's sister (Evie) is coming for Christmas--the first without her mother. I'm totally excited that she will be here--for selfish reasons. I at least will have some family around for Christmas--so hopefully it wont' be so hard. I'm going to try to get the Christmas tree up this weekend. Don has the weekend off so we are really going to work on the room of boxes.

Well--That's all for my thoughts for now! I hope you all have a wonderful week!

7 years of marriage

Can you believe Don and I have been married 7 years? Yesterday was the big day! We didn't do too much, but we did get to spend the whole day together. We did laundry in the morning, shopping in the afternoon, and went out for dinner. We also went to watch the Santa Claus 3--I thought it was VERY funny!

I'm sure Don would have loved to spend the day at Disney World, but it was just good to be together! We got a lot of Christmas shopping done and we did do a couple things we really wanted to do. So all and all it was a good day!

Have a great week! I'm still not into Christmas...no snow and 80 plus weather doesn't help. I hope everyone else can find some Christmas spirit to put Christmas around the house!

Pictures found

I found a lost disk of pictures that I have taken. Hope you enjoy my silly pictures...and their stories. Hey--I almost forgot--about a week ago Don took me on a drive one evening. He drove me into St. Petersburg--and he didn't think it was a good idea to take pictures of all the homeless people that were either sleeping on the sidewalk or getting food from a couple on the side of the road. I just don't know why he thought it might be a bad idea! So there are no pictures, but I have to tell you I have never seen so many people sleeping on the sidewalk when there were no promises of major sales going on! Have a great week!

The boy scouts in our ward did a fund raiser--picking oranges--so Don and I got a half bushel. Let me tell you it is A LOT of oranges--filled a large paper sack. This was the baby of the bunch! It was the most perfect orange.


Palm trees every where--no snow--how can you want to put up Christmas stuff. I'll try to put mine up and take pictures! Palm tree s are very ugly!

Don took me to a restaurant called the Buffalo Steakhouse. When your steaks come out they have these puffed pastry Buffaloes in them...kinda sick huh?

I had posted earlier that our apartment complex was painting the buildings. Here is a building that is painted. Ugly is the in thing--mustard yellow with pale yellow windows. Nice huh--must had a special on these colors!

This picture is to show the courtyards. There are 2 buildings that make up the courtyards. And they call each "courtyard complex" a building. Not sure who came up with that.

I found these funny acorn looking things. You can find these just about every where. Tons at the church!

This is to show how small my perfect orange really was. It was a little bigger than a golf ball. The oranges where the BEST oranges--only one bad one. Don had to take half of them to work to share. Finally had to juice the last 15 just to get rid of them!

Thanksgiving 2006

Today has been hard--I'm so far away from the group of loved ones that I normally hang with. We have to normal turkey, gravy, and all the things most people think of. But we have changed things up a while ago and started making Perogies. It has become a tradition at my mom's, and I thought that I would miss it. So the past few weeks I have thought about doing it for Don and myself. When I ran the idea by Don he was excited because I wanted to change up the Perogie fillings to fit more into Thanksgiving. At my mom's there are so many people that having 600 Perogies and all the normal Thanksgiving food is okay. But when there is only 2 of you--you don't need all that food. So--I got ground turkey (putting everything you would use on a turkey in my ground turkey ie: onions, celery, sage and all the spices), then we made mashed potato with cheese ones (that's a normal filling around mom's house), and then we tried to make a pumpkin pie perogie (which to tell you the truth is wonderful--we will be working on the filling a little bit to make it better but it was dang good). I got to talk to a few of my siblings, my mom, and some friends (I don't have many so I guess I talked to them all). But it made me feel that I wasn't so far from home. I made sure to have dinner the same time that my mom always has holiday dinners--which made me feel a little closer to home! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Back Online

Since we have been here we have had trouble with our DSL. This past week was the topper. We were totally without Internet and I about went nuts. When we first got DSL it worked some, but last Monday it totally crashed and Verizon couldn't make it work again. Poor Don spent over 4 hours with Gateway because Verizon told us it was our computer. Gateway had Don "fix" things and then it still won't work. So yesterday Verizon finally sent someone that could really "fix" our problem. Hopefully this will be the real fix.

But since I couldn't be online Don decided to take me for a drive. (He takes me for drives, but this time it was during the day so I really could see what was out there.) We went to a place called Dunedin. It has deep Scottish roots...very beautiful. When we went there was something going on in town and there were SO MANY people. We had decided to just drive and go back another day when there weren't a million people is such a small place. I do have to tell you when driving to Dunedin---it's like driving to Logansport--small roads--nowhere to pass cars--I looked up and the car in front of us was from Indiana "34" license plate. Yes someone from Kokomo---I pointed it out to Don and we just laughed. How likely was it that we saw a Indiana license plate from Kokomo? Made me feel almost better that day! But here are some pictures of our outing!

Everyone is getting ready for Christmas...Yes and some are putting lights half way up Palm trees. I'll take pictures of that because I think that is the dumbest thing ever!

We went to a bird rescue place. It was FREE, but some of the local birds came to visit too. We saw these pelicans just wondering the place. Maybe this was really a bird jail and they were visiting! I'm not sure!


These white birds are EVERYWHERE! There was at least one on top of each cage at this bird rescue place.

Don thought Stephen would like this sign. I'm not sure if you can read it, but this bird is the "Brown Booby" bird. It looks like a brown duck. There was also a bird that sounded like it was burping when it "talked". At first I thought it was Don but it was really this dang bird. Very Funny!


While that is all my pictures for now. My camera has been giving me problems so I'm going to have to figure out what the heck is wrong with it. I'm also going to have to keep a cheap camera in the car for the trips to the store. Last night I wished I had my camera because we passed something that made me laugh, and it would have been great to get a picture of it. So I'll work on that soon! I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and we will post soon!

My Birthday

This is a card I got from Samantha! It cracks me up! On the inside it says "Still able to stop traffic." It just makes me laugh! Then I get an e-card from Stephen...it was "Do your boobs hang low?" You know to the song "Do your ears hang low"...Made me laugh hard! Then Kelly sends me a frame with a thing about friends...I just don't feel like I'm a good friend to her sometimes. I don't have answers all I can do is listen, cry with her, laugh with her, but I don't usually have words of wisdom...But I love the picture! My grandparents called me on Friday to talk with me. I love talking with them. I'm sure they don't get as much enjoyment out of me as I do with them. And on Saturday--My mom called me and sang to me. (My mom has a tradition that she came up with to call each of us on our birthdays and sing "Happy Birthday" and sing as bad as she can possible get.) She sang a primary "happy birthday song" and sang it really well. I told her spending time in primary with the 3 years olds--she has grown a lot! Samantha then call me on my birthday to sing to me too. I'm so glad I have good friends and family that know that I needed to hear from them when I did. Don took me out to eat at the Olive Garden for my birthday. He's such a great sport! He sent me an email and tried to make my day special!

Today I woke up very sick and running a fever. So I didn't go to church, but I slept a lot. I'm starting to feel better. Maybe it was just missing everyone...kinda made me sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if it's getting easier for me...but the days aren't so long anymore. Some are longer than others.

This next week we are hoping to go sightseeing. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures to post! Well have a good week!

Seeing Rainbows

Yesterday after I posted I had to take the dogs out and get ready to get Don from work. Well I decided since the rain was slowing down and I didn't have a good day--I would keep an open mind about things. (Yes--I called and talked with my mom...that always helps to know that I'm not alone and that she loves me no matter what I do or say--she may not approve but she still loves me! Then I got to talk to my best friend Kelly. She always makes me smile! I don't know what I did before I had Kelly as a friend--she excepts all of me--all my faults--all my dumb ideas. And she still my best friend after I agreed to move away with Don (twice now).)

But--after talking to them I was getting ready for the nasty drive to Don's work and I looked beyond the next apartment complex and there was the brightest rainbow I have EVER seen! I'm not sure that it meant anything, but I took it as a sign that I'll be okay. Deep down I know I'll be fine, but without friends and family close by I feel so alone. I hate that feeling so when anything goes wrong I take it harder than if I was around the people I love. So- that rainbow yesterday (atleast for me) was a sign that no matter what trials I have that I'm not alone here (even when I can't see them...my friends and family are close by).

I did take a few pictures when I was out and about...Nothing great and wonderful...but Here you go! Have a great Weekend!

The top Window is our kitchen window (this is prepainted--which they are doing soon!)

The "theme" on all the Funeral Home's Vans...nice huh?

It's raining...

Today I didn't need it to rain! But that is what it is doing. It has been over cast most of the day with sprinkles off and on. But with being really homesick today...I needed sunshine. But it finally just started to pour. When you look out my front windows you look down into a court yard of apartments...not very pretty...and my neighbors across from us ... that live downstairs are always in and out of their apartment. It's only a 2 bedroom apartment...but I swear there are about 10 people living in it...they are always coming, going, sitting outside smoking, or like right now...standing in the doorway smoking. I really think they have a restaurant going on in there. There are people coming on bikes picking up sacks of food (I know this because you can smell it when they open their front door). Sometimes they make me nervous there are men and women, but all they do is sit and stare--then they talk about you in a tongues you don't understand.

I don't like that we have no real private porch either. Some apartments do...but we do not because we have a "den" or extended dining area. We have a little porch right outside our door which would be good if we had plants...but we can't right now because our building is going to be painted. I'm going to try to get pictures today when I am out and about. Of our lovely community. It's okay but not the best. I guess we have to live with it for a year...and then we will look for something else...hopefully in Indiana...but I don't think that is my luck!

Today I'm so very homesick. I miss my mom/family and Kelly/friends. I hate trying to make new friends (sounds kind of dumb). But it's true...I like living in a comfort zone that if I make new friends good...and if not oh well. Being where I have NO friends at hand--I have to try to make friends. With this weather--it makes me cry, and miss "home".

Tomorrow we will be getting TV! The company is coming out and we are getting DirectTV. I'm so dang excited! We have been watching MASH--backwards...we don't have all the seasons. So I started with season 9 and worked backwards with the seasons we do have. I'm so pleased to be able to watch whatever I want...I've been missing my shows. I know that Don is excited because we will have 2 TVs that he can go in the other room and watch his silly wrestling or whatever he watches.

Well -- I have to go and get ready to pick Don up at work. I got to keep the car today to run to the bank. So now he will need a ride home. Have a good week and if you have any suggestions on how to make myself less homesick please share!

Got out and about...

Today Don had the day off--so once we got some running that needed done--I got him to take me out and about. We found a beach on the Gulf and I just wanted to show you what we saw! It was very nice...but it's still not home!

Crab parts

Sand Castle

Don checking out the sky

I think this crab tried to get away from the crab shacks and almost made it back to the gulf!

Another view of the sand castle!

Small waves of the gulf

Some funny looking plant life floating in the Gulf

This is really white sand...

Well--I know most of you are trying to stay warm--I wish I was there with you. But I hope you enjoy the pictures of what I could find to share with you. Have a Great weekend. I'll try to keep you posted on what's going on here!

The move never ends...

Well to start off with--we made it to Florida in one piece. After a horrid start Saturday--we left around 2 pm (we had problems getting things in our car--and we wanted to leave by 10am). So we started out late, but made good time with taking turns sleeping...we drove straight through. We had planned to get into our apartment Sunday, but the girl that was supposed to come in to do our paperwork didn't get our messages so she never showed. (The office is normally closed Sundays...so there was no one there.) We drove around for a while trying to find some motel that would let us AND our dogs stay...which we finally found. We also called Don's boss to get some tips on where to go/ where not to go. She was really nice and helped us out on what parts to stay away from. She also told Don that since Monday is really a day off of his and I needed him more than she did...to take Monday and get me into our apartment.

Once into our apartment--our land line phone was turned on Friday before...but didn't work. (I know some of you don't know this, but I don't handle stress well. I hate it, can't deal with it, and just melt down.) Well--with no news from the movers, and not knowing a total for delivery I was stressing a ton. They were only to get us all that info no later than Saturday at 10 am. But no one called or returned calls. Then on Tuesday--talked with the moving company I went through (and will NEVER use again) they tried to help as much as possible. Then the call from the driver...he wants to deliver "right now"; I told him no...I don't have the money yet and he would have to wait until after 5 pm (that is when Don was getting home). The driver yells at me about I should already have money for him...that if he has to hold the stuff over night he will charge another $250 on top of the total. He was Yelling at the top of his lungs at me...so I told him that I would call World Moving Services (the company I went through) and have them call him. SO that's what I did. I told them I didn't think it was right that he just right out yells at me. And that for the second time he didn't call 24 hours before to tell us he was coming. So I got to talk to a great Customer Service Supervisor. She was shocked that I never was called before hand to let us set something up, but would make sure that she called the driver and let him know that he would have to wait until my husband got home. When she called me back she said that the driver was going to come between 6:30pm and 7:30 pm. While that would have been fine but they didn't show up until after 9pm. He was VERY rude still (even with Don here). They have treated our stuff like crap. They only thing he is taking claim for is the display cabinet...they broke 2 mirrors in the back of...but everything else he just kept repeating himself "how I not know it wasn't you that did it" I replied to him "because it wasn't that way when you PICKED it UP!". AND he didn't have any claim forms with him...he said "I'm just the driver I don't do claims...that's claims department--I'm just the driver". So yesterday I called the moving company that I went through and told them how the driver acted and said...they were not impressed with him. So they are sending claim forms to me to fill out. I now have tons of work ahead of me with unpacking! Hopefully nothing more is majorly broken!

I want to thank Stephen, Samantha, and my mom for listening to me in melt down. I know I don't handle stress well, but they have listened and gave advice to keep me here.

I really hate this move...I would love to go back to Indiana where I have a life. I know that Don needed this move so he could get back into the business. He is just lucky it's Florida and not Alaska. For that move would have be the beginning of the end of our marriage. It's tested here but there I think it would have been over! (Sorry Don, but that is how I see it.) I miss my friends, family, and the light stress that came in that life! I miss my friend Kelly--she is more then a friend...she is another sister to me. She is my best friend and knows all my darkest parts and yet she hangs with me. Even when I know this move is hard on me...poor Maggie (Kelly's 10 year old Daughter) she is a mess! She loves Don so very much and is just heart broke that he moved. (All I I can say to her is that no matter how far we are--you are in our heart, thoughts, and prayers! I wish we didn't have to move, but Don needed to get back into the funeral business. Indiana didn't show promise for that. We will visit, but you have to visit us also!)

Things are getting better (as Samantha predicted) I got my stuff around me--which means ie: my computer and my TV. I have DVD's until we get Dish. But it's atleast noise that I can have all day. It isn't easy being in this apartment all Day...hopefully that as soon as I get unpacked and settled...I'll be able to take Don to work more so I can get out and get something to fill my days. But until then I'm here! Well--the puppies want to go outside so I'll end here!

Have a great weekend. We will be looking up the church here so it might feel more like home. (Kelly I'm going to make sure we have some Waites', Smiths', people needing teeth!) Love you guys and keep in touch!